10 Things I Won’t Be Doing In London This Weekend

So this weekend I venture into a story About a Boy, with My Fair Lady, and my Happy-Go-Lucky daughter, as we head to the mighty London for three days and two nights. This is certainly not a Summer Holiday, but a well deserved break for the family. Sure, it will be a bit crowded, but I love London for many reasons, so it will be worth it. As far as movies are concerned there are many reasons for all of us to love it.


There the countless Bond movies, or the Dickens movies (like Oliver Twist or Great Expectations and of course A Christmas Carol), and not forgetting the many versions of Sherlock Holmes. Well take a walk down Baker Street and try and stay out of trouble. We’ll be visiting an epic book store on Charing Cross Road – not too far from the title of the Anthony Hopkins movie 84 Charing Cross Road – he was also in Howard’s End and Shadowlands which had London settings. Let’s not forget the late, great Bob Hoskins in The Long Good Friday and Mona Lisa.
We’ll get opportunities to see the Christmas lights, and will be looking at all manner of Dirty, Pretty Things in various museums. We are more likely to visit Camden Market than Notting Hill, but you never know. My wife being a Chelsea supporter though, we will likely avoid Green Street.
There will, though be no Withnail and I, I won’t Bend It Like Beckham, and I don’t know anybody there named Alfie or Bridget Jones or Austin Powers. Nor do I know Martha, Meet Frank, Daniel and Laurence. And I certainly won’t be getting into a Scandal with the like of The Krays, A Clockwork Orange, or indeed A Fish Called Wanda.
The excitement may all Blowup in my face as I count down The Hours, but it is getting Closer. When we do arrive though there are certain things I am pretty sure I won’t be doing in London this weekend. 
AVOIDING SEDUCTION BY SLAYING LUCY WESTENRA THUS SAVING HER FROM DAMNATION
Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992)
WANDERING AROUND WESTMINSTER WHEN IT IS ABSOLUTELY DEAD
28 Days Later (2002)
HAVING THE QUEEN BE WITNESS TO A WAGER ABOUT A PLAY SHOWING THE MEANING OF LOVE
Shakespeare in Love (1998)
FINDING IT IS ACTUALLY THE YEAR 2027 AND THAT SOCIETY IS DRAMATICALLY COLLAPSING 
Children of Men (2006)
SHOPPING OR JUST BROWSING FOR A WAND, A BROOMSTICK AND AN OWL
Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (2001)
ATTEMPTING TO FLEE FROM A WEREWOLF WHILE TRAVELLING ON THE UNDERGROUND 
An American Werewolf in London (1981)
BEING FUCKING ABUSED TO FUCK BY THAT MALCOLM FUCKING TUCKER
In the Loop (2009)
HANGING AROUND WITH THE WRONG CROWD IN THE WRONG PARTS OF SOUTH LONDON AFTER DARK
Attack the Block (2011)
EMPLOYING A NANNY WHO HELPS MAKE THE MEDICINE GO DOWN WITH A SPOONFUL OF SUGAR
Mary Poppins (1964)
HAVING ANDREW LINCOLN BE TRUTHFUL WITH ME WITHOUT HOPE OR AGENDA
Love Actually (2003)

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